My Road to a Treadmill

I like running. Always have. I was actually really good at it when I was a teenager. Ran track and field for my school and later completed in running races for my city. Did a couple of marathons. Until I was assaulted while I was jogging at 7 am, while people were going to work. I fought my attacker and screamed for help. He punched me before running away, and I passed out. I ended up with a bleeding nose and a couple of bruises. Nothing major. But I couldn’t bring myself to run again.

Until… I got depressed after the delivery of my daughter. Like I mentioned before, I tried meds and just didn’t think they were helping me, and I didn’t want to take them. From my professional experience, I knew that exercise was the best thing, but I was afraid to run again. I decided that I had to practice what I preach, and I forced myself to get a gym membership.

My first time was rough. It sucked. I was scared and anxious. I mean, I knew no one would hurt me at the gym, but my anxiety was overwhelming. I ran for ten minutes and left. But I came back the next day. And the day after. After about a month, I ran for 20 minutes. Men walking around me at the gym triggered me. I am a very confident person, but not at the gym. I just lost my balls the minute I stepped on that treadmill. Like I was a little teenage girl again, scared and beaten. I often teach my clients to act the opposite of the emotions they are feeling. So that’s what I did. I wanted to leave, and I stayed. I didn’t feed my anxiety but rode it out until it was manageable. Men at the gym still trigger me. If a male staff member cleans other equipment by my treadmill, I get very anxious, kind of border-line panicky. I notice that I find myself choosing a treadmill as far away from everyone as possible. But I don’t leave. I continue running. I practice the skills I teach my clients and keep pushing myself to overcome my anxiety and face my fears.

Why I am telling you this? Because I want you to know that all of us have demons. We can let them control our lives, or we can choose to address them. It took me a very long time to be ready. I had to hit rock bottom with my depression to be able to get to the point where I wanted to challenge myself. Once you are ready, you need to commit to challenging yourself and take a step. A small step. For someone who ran marathons, running ten minutes is really a joke. But I couldn’t run more, and that was ok. I took my time, treated myself kindly, and allowed myself to take small steps. Facing things doesn’t mean overwhelming yourself, failing, and losing the will to try again. It means making peace with yourself, as you are. Establish a small goal at first, and gradually work your way up to the goals that are more difficult to attain.

There is hope. You don’t have to live a life of fear and anxiety. You can fight it. One small step at a time, and one day you will wake up and feel better. I look forward to going to the gym now. I am even able to say “hi” to some of the male staff at the gym. And shower. I think taking a class might be next on my list.

Homework: Identify one activity that makes you anxious and/or fearful and try to do it for a short time, three times per week.

Talk to you soon,

Asta

Postpartum Depression: How It Differs From the “Baby Blues”

What is the difference between the so-called ‘baby blues’ and postpartum depression?

My clients often ask me how to tell the difference between the two, so I thought I would write a little something about it.

Around 7 out of every 10 women experience some form of the baby blues, a condition that affects most mothers approximately two to three days after giving birth. These feelings are a result of hormonal changes, and the emotions associated with baby blues usually subside within a couple of weeks without any treatment. If these feelings last longer than two weeks — if you continue to feel low and exhausted, and if your feelings prevent you from functioning normally or caring for your baby, you may be experiencing postpartum depression.

What is postpartum depression?

If you or your spouse or partner are experiencing postpartum depression, you are not alone! One out of every 10 women and one out of 4 men develop postpartum depression. It is characterized by several symptoms which last longer than a few weeks after the birth of their baby. It often begins within the first month, but can occur at any time during the 12 months following childbirth.

If you have postpartum depression, you may be experiencing some of the following symptoms:

• Crying

• Feeling exhausted (even right after you wake up) and unmotivated

• Avoiding family and friends

• Feeling worthless and hopeless

• Losing interest in your hobbies or other usually pleasurable activities

• Difficulty falling and staying asleep or sleeping too much

• Feeling empty

• Feeling guilt and shame (“I am not happy” or “I don’t love my baby enough”)

• Feeling sad

• Getting easily overwhelmed and anxious

• Lashing out in anger or being easily irritated for no apparent reason

• Lacking appetite or overeating

• Having difficulty making decisions

• Questioning whether you can handle the responsibility of a new baby

• Feeling fearful for your baby, as well as fearing to be alone or to leave the house

• Having persistent thoughts about hurting yourself, your baby, or others

Some of the risk factors for postpartum depression include:

• A difficult childbirth experience

• Lack of sleep

• Baby Colic

• Lack of support from family and friends

• A history of mental illness in the family

• Physical illness

How long does postpartum depression last?

Postpartum depression can last a few weeks or for months – but the sooner you get professional help, the quicker you are likely to recover.

Fathers are not immune!

You may be surprised to learn that fathers, too, can be affected by postpartum depression. According to some studies, in the United States as many as 1 in 4 to 1 in 10 new fathers experience postpartum depression. They may experience stress about the increased financial responsibility of having a child. They may feel burdened and tired or feel “left out” because they aren’t having their “normal” sexual relationship with their partner. Oftentimes dads with postpartum depression become irritable and angry, experience feelings of sadness, or become emotionally withdrawn. Unfortunately, many men never seek support or help during this stressful time.

How is postpartum depression treated?

You are not alone! Postpartum depression can affect anyone regardless of their education, socioeconomic status, culture, or religion. There is no reason to feel ashamed if you are experiencing those feelings. It is not your fault, and your condition is treatable! The most important step you can take is to contact a healthcare professional. Treatment may include individual, family, and/or group therapy. Medications that have been shown to help alleviate the symptoms are also available.

The information provided here is for educational purposes only. It is no substitute for a comprehensive evaluation by a licensed mental health professional.

An Open Letter to My Former Clients

Photo credit: Indre Pauraite Photography

Hey everyone!

I am always surprised when a former client calls me and says “My name is …. You saw me a couple of years ago… Do you remember me?!” This blog post is for my former clients who wonder if I still remember them. The short answer is – “OF COURSE!” The therapeutic relationship is a professional relationship, and I would never contact a former client as that would violate the boundaries of our relationship. But that doesn’t mean I don’t think about you. I get to learn about your most intimate and secretive thoughts and experiences. We get to cry and laugh together. We get to explore your past and make sense of it. We find ways to change your future and shape your life. I hear so many funny stories that I often laugh to myself when I recall one of them. I get to learn about your work and school. Sometimes, when I pass a certain bar or park, I think about the stories you told me. I think about the courage it took for you to go to that dentist’s office or draw your blood. Sometimes, when I am at the airport, I think about some of you who had a fear of flying and how you overcame it. You flew. Without Xanax. What a kick-ass you are! I wonder if you still fly and whether you are perhaps traveling alone in the jungle of Congo. I hope your visa was approved, you went home, and hugged your loved ones! I think about the pilots and whether you were able to get that certification for intercontinental flights. I think about the nurses and doctors who save lives every day and how devastating it is to lose one of your patients. I wonder if my teenage clients ever went to their dream college and got to ask that girl out on a date. I am curious whether you ever cashed that check I wrote for you, so you could pay for your application to Harvard. I think about the couples and wish they would explore their marriage in new ways and give their relationship a go… Or maybe leave it and start a new chapter. I think about the lonely people and wonder if they were able to make more friends. I think about the ones who were bullied and whether they continue to stand up for themselves. I wonder if you picked up that bottle again. I hope you stood up for yourself and left that asshole. I think about you and wonder if you will ever call me again to get more help. I wonder how many of you think dark thoughts and struggle alone. It breaks my heart when I think about you suffering alone. Remember, I can’t reach out to you. It means that if you are out there, struggling alone, there is no shame in reaching out. If you don’t want to or can’t call me, call another therapist. There are so many good ones out there! There is no shame in brushing up on old skills and maybe learning some new ones. If you ever think that you are all alone and no one thinks or cares about you, know that there is someone out there who does. It is a difficult time for everyone, and I want you to know that I think about you and send you my good wishes. If you are doing well, I also want to know about it. Please send me postcards, emails, texts, and pictures. It always makes my day when I get one!

Asta

Office re-opening for face-to-face therapy

Dear patients and parents, 

To prepare for our reopening, we have added new protocols to address the new challenges that Covid-19 has presented. We want to inform you about our updated office protocols, our measured re-opening, and the steps we are taking to ensure our patients and our team remain healthy. 

We know that our new protocols and procedures listed below are strict, but they go beyond what is recommended and they have been created to protect you! We appreciate your patience with the following updates:

• To maximize social distancing, we will be spacing out appointment times to prevent an unnecessary patient to patient interaction. No two appointments will have the exact same starting and departure times.

• When you arrive for your appointment, please stay in your car and TEXT your therapist upon your arrival. Your therapist will then direct you on when to enter the office.

• We ask that only the patient being treated enters our practice. For our very young patients or anyone else who must have someone additional in attendance, please limit only one parent/caregiver. No other family members or friends will be allowed inside at this time. 

• Please arrive for your appointment 10 minutes early. We have set up a new schedule that allows for staggered entry and exit of all patients. If you are late to your appointment we may need to reschedule to ensure proper social distancing. 

• Please make sure you enter wearing your own face mask.

• Please take your temperature prior to coming to the office. A reading of 100.4 degrees or higher will require us to conduct your session via video conference from your home or reschedule your appointment.

• Every therapist will take their temperature on the day of your appointment. Any therapist with a temperature registering at 100.4 degrees or higher will be conducting video therapy only.

• All therapists will be required to wear face masks at the office at all times.

• You will find that our furniture in some offices has been rearranged.

• We want to minimize the use of our restroom. Please make an effort to use your restroom at home prior to your appointment. 

We are so grateful for every one of you, and we can’t wait to see you back at the office. Thank you for allowing us to take these additional steps to help protect your health. If you have any questions, please feel free to reach out.  We love you all!

Sincerely,

Beautiful Mind Therapy Staff

We're All In This Together

Hello everyone!

Many of us are worried about COVID-19. We might feel helpless, sad, angry, or worried about the future. I thought I would write a little bit about how to take care of yourself during this difficult time of uncertainty.

Photo credit: Indre Cantero Photography

https://www.indrecanterophotography.com/

Here are some things that I think might be helpful for you to do:

1.     Have a schedule. If you work from home, lost your job, or have unstructured time, I think it’s important to keep a daily routine. Set your alarm at a certain hour and get out of bed. Shower, get dressed, complete your morning routine, and eat healthy meals and snacks. Set yourself daily tasks you want to accomplish and work hard to complete them.

2.     Limit your news intake. It is very important to stay connected and know what is going on; however, it is not necessary to stay on the phone or watch TV non-stop. Hearing constant reports about the illness and death caused by coronavirus can be hard to take and is not going to help you feel better. Try to limit your news exposure as much as you can. Maybe you can check the news in the morning for 10 minutes? One hour? If you do end up watching the news, please try to pay attention to positive news instead of only focusing on negative and fear-producing reports. Here are some happy websites to go to if you are sick of reading articles about the virus:

https://theoutline.com/post/8792/if-youre-sick-of-reading-about-coronavirus-try-reading-about-some-pleasant-websites?zd=1&zi=i44xf3sv

3.     Focus on the things you can control. I think it’s important to recognize that we are not helpless. We can always choose our response. Focus on the things you can do, instead of something you cannot control. Work out. Eat healthy. Take your medications and vitamins. Maybe it’s time for spring cleaning? Wash your hands. If you have to work and leave your home, use protective measures such as masks and gloves and wash your hands frequently.

Maybe start a new tech project? You can find more about it here:

https://www.fastcompany.com/90482591/stop-watching-netflix-and-tackle-these-8-tech-projects-instead

4.     Stay social. In times when we are asked to social distance, we still need to find a way to connect with others. FaceTime or call your friends and family members. Start a chat with friends and send funny memes. Join a discussion group about something positive or funny. Record a funny video and send it to your friends.

5.     Get outside and/or exercise. We need to follow the recommendations of health authorities; however, you can still go out for a walk or a jog. Exercise helps your mood and physical health. Even if it’s just 10 minutes, still get outside and get some fresh air. You can also exercise by taking YouTube classes, using a fitness app, cycling, or jogging.

6.     Reframe negative thoughts. Instead of saying, “We need to be afraid. I cannot leave the house. I better buy all the toilet paper and food” or “I refuse to live in fear and will live my life as usual and not take any precautions,” maybe you can say something like this: “I might be fearful and not know what is going to happen, but I will focus on what I can control now and I can take precautions for myself and those who are vulnerable.” Remember, things will get better eventually, and go back to normal; the world is not collapsing. Reframe your catastrophic thinking.

7.     Do something kind. If you’re not under strict isolation rules yourself, and you’re in a position to do so, find ways to support those in need by offering to run errands and collect supplies for them. My daughter and I decided to write a letter to the staff at the hospital where she was born. She also wants to bake some cupcakes for the paramedics. Maybe you can mail a postcard to a friend. Draw something. Record a funny video and send it to your friends and family members.

8.     Meditate and relax. It is important to find ways to help yourself feel better, such as doing a relaxation exercises and guided meditation practices. There are tons of those on YouTube or on apps like Headspace, Calm, Breathe, Mindfulness, etc.

9.     Keep it intimate. I think being intimate with your partner might release some anxiety and stress. If you have all of this time, why not try a new position or two…or a new sex toy, perhaps. We really make our sex lives as interesting as we want.

10.  Keep drinking, drugs, and smoking to a minimum. I know that some of you enjoy recreational drugs and I will not get into a discussion with about whether you should use them or not. But maybe you can try to limit them to a minimum. Maybe smoke one joint in the morning and one at night? Doing these unhealthy things might not only negatively affect your mental health, but can also make you more susceptible to the virus if your immune system is down. If you need to attend a meeting, AA is having them online: https://www.aa-intergroup.org/ or https://virtual-na.org/.

11.  Set boundaries at work. If you are working from home, home/work boundaries can blur. Avoid burnout by setting strict limits at work to avoid becoming overwhelmed. Take your breaks. Even a 10-minute walk during your shift is calming and improves vital energy and focus. Log off when you are supposed to.

12.  Improve your skills. If you were recently laid off, maybe you can focus on ways to boost up your resume and take a free course. You can find them here:

https://www.fastcompany.com/90482602/5-ways-to-learn-new-career-skills-for-free-during-the-covid-19-crisis

13.  Apply for unemployment insurance if affected (800-244-563): https://www2.illinois.gov/ides/Pages/default.aspx

14.  Take a happiness course. Yale professor Laurie Santos is offering a happiness course, in which she explains the science of wellbeing. It is free! You can find it here:

https://www.coursera.org/learn/the-science-of-well-being

15.  Learn how to talk to your children about the virus. Being a parent, I struggle explaining to my daughter why she cannot go to Disney or have her birthday party at the bouncy place. You can read more about how to talk to your children about the virus here:

https://www.aaets.org/helping-children-cope-emotionally-with-coronavirus

and here:

https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/daily-life-coping/talking-with-children.html?CDC_AA_refVal=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.cdc.gov%2Fcoronavirus%2F2019-ncov%2Fcommunity%2Fschools-childcare%2Ftalking-with-children.html

16.  Reach out to professionals. If you feel that your mental health symptoms are difficult to manage, please reach out. Most mental health therapy offices offer a telehealth option. You can reach out to us or use your Employee Assistance Program (EAP) if your company offers this. You can also reach out to The Illinois Warm Line (peer support, 866-359-7953), SAMHSA’s Disaster Distress Helpline (800-985-5990), or National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (call 800-273-TALK or text ‘connect’ to 741741).

17.  Be informed. Follow the protection and prevention tips given by medical professionals, national medical authorities, and your own medical doctor. National number (800-232-4636) or Chicago number (773-894-2960). Information can be found here: https://www.cdc.gov/

The Anxiety and Depression Association of America has a dedicated coronavirus page:

https://adaa.org/finding-help/coronavirus-anxiety-helpful-resources

Homework: Try to follow at least one recommendation on my list.

We are in this together my friends! Talk to you soon!

Asta

Congratulations to Taren on her promotion!

It is my great pleasure to announce that Mrs. Taren Rowley was promoted to the position of Clinical Manager. I have known her since 2014, when we worked together at the Kenneth Young Center, and I was always impressed with her professionalism. Taren has worked for our company since 2017 and has always demonstrated excellent clinical skills and exceptional client care. She is a mother of an adorable child and manages to balance her personal and professional life with no effort. She is always there for her clients, and I cannot recall one single instance of her calling off from work. I frequently hear her clients say that she is the best therapist they ever had. I have noticed that on several occasions, she forgoes her lunch to see a client in crisis. She is one of the most selfless and caring persons with whom I have ever the pleasure of working. She always strives to learn about new treatment modalities and shares the newest books and articles she has read. She has extensive training in working with couples, adults, and adolescents. She is supportive to her co-workers and is always there to share suggestions on how to help our clients better. She thinks about ways to give back to her community. For example, she suggested having a food drive for the Hanover Park Township Food Pantry. She has done a splendid job, and I am happy to reward her hard work and dedication. I am very proud to be her colleague and friend.

I hope you will join me in congratulating Taren on this exciting news!

Take First Steps

Let go of the idea of what is normal and live your life the way you really want to.

You need to be willing to sacrifice what is good for what is great. If you want something, don’t wait around or ask for someone’s permission, go get it. You might fall – sometimes it takes a good fall to really know where you stand.

How do I do that, you ask?!

Make a good plan. What I mean by “good” is that it has to be realistic and achievable. I would never get on a treadmill and expect that I run 10 miles. I might expect myself to run for 10 minutes today and 10 miles in 2 months. I am not asking you to make a lifetime plan. Get up in the morning and make a plan for a good day. Set yourself up for success. Make sure you’re the one who has control over your life, starting with everyday steps. Keep them as your own personal secret, smash the hell out of them, and celebrate your success.

Pick what you are willing to sacrifice. You will have to sacrifice something that you value less than whatever it is you really want. I gave up sleeping in and started getting up early so I can exercise and have a longer day. I gave up job security to pursue my private practice. When I went to graduate school, I gave up socializing with friends – I went to school and worked full time so I wouldn’t have loans after I graduated. If you want to live an extraordinary life, you will have to give up some things in the short term. Some of these things may be very difficult to give up and extremely difficult to let go. I can promise you, it will not be easy, but you have to make some kind of sacrifice in order to build the life you really want.

A couple of suggestions…

• Stop eating shit: Put down those potato chips.

• Drink a glass of water instead of soda.

• Get off the phone and stop engaging in time-wasting activities.

• Do one pushup or one lap.

• Turn off the TV and start living the kind of life you have been watching on TV for years.

• Read one page of a book.

• Attend one event and talk to one person.

• Seek change and adventure.

• Write one paragraph.

• Put yourself first.

Speaking of change and adventure… When “CANCER” was mentioned to me at my dentist’s office, my first thought was.. “OMG, I should have taken my dream trip to Bali with Emma.” I was talking with my friend I told her that if I ever do have cancer, I will definitely take that last trip with my daughter. Her answer was… “Why do you have to have cancer to take this trip?!” I kind of didn’t know what to say. She is right. I am not going to wait around. I am going to take this step. Emma and I are going to Bali this year. I am scared and excited. I mean, it’s a 24-hour flight with a four-year-old to a country I have never visited. It’s just the two of us girls. I don’t speak the language. What if she gets sick? What if I get sick? What if… I had to tell myself that I will never take this trip if I am going to listen to my negative thoughts and my fear. I am going to take the trip and make it the best trip of my life. Period. The tickets are booked and we are getting ready!

Homework: Do you remember how I asked you to list three things you have learned in 2019 and how you can apply that knowledge to better your life in 2020?! Good! Now, I want you to take one step towards reaching one of those things on the list. Doesn’t have to be anything crazy, just one small step every day.

Talk to you soon!

Asta

EPN News interview

Hello everyone!

I am very excited to share a new radio podcast interview with EPN News!

Happy Holidays!

Do you remember what you got for Christmas when you were five years old? 10? Last year? I do remember last year’s gifts, but mostly I remember how I felt when I received them. I have to confess… last year’s Christmas wasn’t very merry for me. I wasn’t looking forward to it. Actually, I vividly remember crying on Christmas morning. Please don’t start feeling bad for me! The reason I am sharing this with you is because something negative can bring a lot of positive. One year can do a lot to a person. When I look back in 2019, I don’t think of it as a year of pain. I think about it as a year of growth. I was at a point where I had to reevaluate my life and start making some significant changes. And I did. It was hard, and it sucked. But I took one small step at a time and persevered. When I think about next year, I feel very hopeful, content, and happy. I am looking forward to spending time with my family and opening gifts. We have a beautiful Christmas tree and a house full of love. Presents are nice, but people are what matters to me. We owe it to ourselves to be with people who matter, are good for us, have genuine intentions, and cause us to feel peaceful and happy. Take a deep breath and enter 2020 with hope and confidence. Happy holidays!

Homework: List three things you have learned in 2019 and how you can apply that knowledge to better your life in 2020.

Talk to you soon!

Asta

Get rid of negative relationships

“If you want crappy things to stop happening to you, then stop accepting crap and demand something more. ”

— Cristina Yang, Grey’s Anatomy

TULUM, MEXICO

I saw this sign, “Your vibe attracts your tribe” when I was in Tulum, and made me think about what I was going to say in this post.

I think the first step to help you move forward with your life is to get rid of negative relationships. Get rid of people who criticize you and put you down. Surround yourself with people who want to see you be successful and happy. The extraordinary life looks crazy to an outsider, so they might judge you and tell you that you are out of your mind if you tell them that you want to go to Mexico alone and sleep in a tent on a beach. They might criticize you and condemn you by calling you stupid and naive.

Many will say, “What if I HAVE to spend time with them? They are my in-laws, parents, siblings, friends I have known since kindergarten”—you name it. If you can’t get rid of them, limit the time you spend with them. How do you do that? Don’t invite them to your place, because they won’t leave when you want them to leave. Meet at a public place instead, so you can leave when you have had enough. You can find other ways to spend less time with them. For example, instead of dinner, grab coffee. If they make negative comments, you have three choices: confront, ignore, and/or be assertive. You know how you have responded in the past. If that didn’t work for you, try something different. If they say, “It looks like you gained some weight!” respond with something like this: “Was that comment necessary?” “if I wouldn't know you better, I would think you are trying to hurt my feelings!” or “I don’t need your insinuated criticism.”

Stop trying to please everyone, because I can guarantee you that you will fail. You have to get to the point where your mood doesn’t change based on the insignificant actions of someone else. Let go of people who are negative, don’t appreciate you, manipulate you, and waste your time. This is your life, not theirs. Stop trying to prove yourself to others. I used to think that my side of the story needed to be told to keep the facts straight, but I finally concluded that I don’t care what story someone chooses to believe about me. I know my truth, and I am going to live with it. I would much rather read a good book than spend time with people who are not genuine and don’t value my friendship.

I really like this poem by Scott Stabile:

“Find people who can handle your darkest truths, who don’t change the subject when you share your pain, or try to make you feel bad for feeling bad.

Find people who understand we all struggle, some of us more than others, and that there’s no weakness in admitting it.

Find people who want to be real, however that looks and feels, and who want you to be real, too.

Find people who get that life is hard, and who get that life is also beautiful, and who aren’t afraid to honor both of those realities.

Find people who help you feel more at home in your heart, mind and body, and who take joy in your joy.

Find people who love you, for real, and who accept you, for real. Just as you are.

They’re out there, these people. Your tribe is waiting for you. Don’t stop searching until you find them.”

Homework: Try to limit your time with one negative person this week, or try to assert yourself with them.

Talk to you soon!

Asta

Getting out of your comfort zone

“If you want to live an exceptional and extraordinary life, you have to give up many of the things that are part of a normal one.”

— Srinivas Rao

I am a bad swimmer. I taught myself to swim about one year ago. And by “swimming” I mean holding my breath and paddling from one side to the other side of the pool. It’s quite embarrassing, actually. When I went to Mexico, I promised myself that I would do things to get out of my comfort zone, so what better way of doing it than snorkeling at cenotes? Except there was a problem… I had never tried snorkeling or swimming in the “real” water before. What would a girl in my situation do? The most logical step was to ask someone to hold my hand while swimming. Certainly, it seemed appropriate at the time.

My conversation with the guys at the snorkeling shop went something like this:

—Hey! I want to snorkel.

—Sure, 100 pesos.

—I don’t know how to swim in the natural water. Can someone hold my hand when we are in the water? A long stare from the guy (felt like it was about five minutes) and some eye rolling (maybe he saw a bird in the sky?!)

—Sure, we will find someone to hold your hand. Let’s go, Senorita.

So I snorkeled in a cenote, with a baby crocodile chilling close by on a rock. I felt so empowered. Well, initially I was embarrassed, then happy, and then empowered. I was so empowered that I decided to book a trip to snorkel in the ocean with some stingrays. Someone else held my hand again. It is embarrassing and humbling to snorkel when someone holds your hand. But you know what?! Who cares? Some of the other tourists gave me strange looks—possibly because I was alone, probably because I didn’t know how to swim, probably because someone was holding my hand. But at the end of the day, I had challenged myself and done something I was always scared to do.

My boxing trainer, Luke, once said, “You aren’t living if you don’t get out of your comfort zone.” He could not be more on the money. I really do think that we have to be willing to push ourselves out of our comfort zone to be able to experience life and grow. I overcame my own fear and was able to experience something truly amazing and unforgettable.

We have to let go of our idea of what is normal and live our lives the way we really want to. You need to be willing to sacrifice what is good for what is great. If you want something, don’t just wait around to ask for someone’s permission—go after it. Ask someone to hold your hand while swimming. You might try a new food. Sign up for that new class. Travel. Get off the couch, stop watching TV, and live your life. If there is something you have always wanted to do but were afraid to do it— GO and take a chance!

 I will discuss specific steps to help you get moving in my future blogs. Stay tuned!

 Homework—write down your bucket list.

 Talk to you soon!

 Asta

Thank you friends!

Hello everyone!

I have been reflecting a lot about things that are important in life: Health… family… finding a purpose... freedom… love… excitement… adventure… self-development…

So, I wanted to thank my team!

I think surrounding yourself with good colleagues at work is as important as other things on the list. We spend so much time at work. Our identity comes from work. Our best friends are made at work. I've always believed that the people you work with are what makes the job worthwhile, and you all proved me right.

One of the very rewarding aspects of building my private practice has been the interaction with a superb group of colleagues and friends. I'm proud to be working with all of you. I am lucky to work in an office with such caring, open-minded, funny, hard-working, and intelligent people. You are excellent clinicians and I never need to worry about the quality of work you do with our clients. Thanks for having my back.

Our last outing was to the Fox in the Box Escape Room. We got dressed as prisoners and had to break out of our cells and the prison. We were unstoppable! Andy aimed like a sniper. Darley was the perfect combination of muscle and brain. Yvonne connected the dots, opening the hidden door. Taren picked locks like she did it for a living. Lori was a master code breaker. We solved it like we were experts. I guess we are. Every day we do our best to help our clients in solving their problems, assisting them in navigating life’s hardships, and working to break free … from their own negative self-talk and self-judgment, from bad relationships, and from their own self-inflicted prison. Thanks for the incredible memories.

I'm grateful you're in my life.

Asta

Prisoners From left to right: Andy - “snake bite,” darley - “scar,” yvonne - “cuban,” taren - “chimichanga,” asta - “Princess,” and Lori - “spike!”

Healing

Healing doesn’t mean that damage never existed. It means that the damage no longer controls our lives. You might have struggled with depression, or you may have been in an unhealthy relationship, or you might have experienced abuse or neglect. We need to attend to those experiences, process them, and find a way for us to move forward, so we can have healthy lives. We cannot change what has happened to us or the symptoms we have experienced, but we can decide not to be diminished by our past negative experiences. We need to be selfish and think about how we can help ourselves feel better every day. Take that first step in the healing process. For some, it might be a trip to Mexico. For others, it might be a trip to see a counselor. Or end a relationship. Or start a new job. Or exercise. Whatever it is, you need to take that first step and continue to take steps every day.          

I also found this daily mantra very useful (author unknown):

This morning I woke up and reminded myself that

My soul is beautiful,

My mind is powerful,

My heart is made of gold,

And I’ve got so many damn good things going for me that I literally do not need anyone who isn’t going to treat me the way I deserve to be treated.

Homework: Try to challenge yourself to do something you were afraid of or uncomfortable doing. For example, go to Starbucks and sit there alone without the phone for 10 minutes, just drinking coffee. Text a friend you have been wanting to contact. Register for a class you wanted to take. Go on a date. Run. Tell negative people you don’t have time for them. Don’t answer to an insult. Take a bus and watch people. Go to the museum. Try a new restaurant. Take that first step!

Asta

Tulum, mexico

Hello everyone!

Tulum, mexico

I recently had a cancer scare and decided to start a blog because I realized that I needed to share more, before it is too late. I have so much to say, but for many reasons I held back. Often, I found myself not having enough time during my weekly sessions to discuss certain things, so maybe this will be a good way to share with you the things I find important, amusing, challenging, and useful to know.

Some of you know me very well, as we shared many precious hours together. Some of you don’t know me at all. You can read more about my professional achievements in the section “About Us.”

On a personal level, I want to share that I really struggled with postpartum depression after Emma was born. It was bad, really bad. I tried meds, therapy, baths, YouTube Wisdom, and nothing seemed to work—until one day I listened to Matthew Hussey talk about the idea of finding meaning in your life. As a therapist, I thought I was doing enough. I help people. I make them see the light at the end of the tunnel. I inspire. I kick ass—literally (I am into boxing) and figuratively. I help people make changes. I wear the white hat, sometimes the black one too. Often, I have saved people’s marriages—or their lives. I thought that was the meaning in my life, until I started thinking more about it. What was my meaning? I didn’t have an answer. But I knew that my depression was getting worse and I had to do something. So I went on a trip. Alone. To Mexico. I promised myself that I would do things to challenge myself and make myself feel uncomfortable. Some of you know that I am a planner. A really good planner. I usually plan an hourly itinerary of my trips. Shit is planned and booked. This time, I bought a ticket and booked a tent. Actually, it was a yurt. On a beach. And off I went.

In future posts I will share with you the lessons I learned. For now, I need you to do some homework. I want you to think about ways you can challenge yourself. No need to act, just think about it and write it down.

Talk to you soon.

Asta