Get rid of negative relationships
/“If you want crappy things to stop happening to you, then stop accepting crap and demand something more. ”
TULUM, MEXICO
I saw this sign, “Your vibe attracts your tribe” when I was in Tulum, and made me think about what I was going to say in this post.
I think the first step to help you move forward with your life is to get rid of negative relationships. Get rid of people who criticize you and put you down. Surround yourself with people who want to see you be successful and happy. The extraordinary life looks crazy to an outsider, so they might judge you and tell you that you are out of your mind if you tell them that you want to go to Mexico alone and sleep in a tent on a beach. They might criticize you and condemn you by calling you stupid and naive.
Many will say, “What if I HAVE to spend time with them? They are my in-laws, parents, siblings, friends I have known since kindergarten”—you name it. If you can’t get rid of them, limit the time you spend with them. How do you do that? Don’t invite them to your place, because they won’t leave when you want them to leave. Meet at a public place instead, so you can leave when you have had enough. You can find other ways to spend less time with them. For example, instead of dinner, grab coffee. If they make negative comments, you have three choices: confront, ignore, and/or be assertive. You know how you have responded in the past. If that didn’t work for you, try something different. If they say, “It looks like you gained some weight!” respond with something like this: “Was that comment necessary?” “if I wouldn't know you better, I would think you are trying to hurt my feelings!” or “I don’t need your insinuated criticism.”
Stop trying to please everyone, because I can guarantee you that you will fail. You have to get to the point where your mood doesn’t change based on the insignificant actions of someone else. Let go of people who are negative, don’t appreciate you, manipulate you, and waste your time. This is your life, not theirs. Stop trying to prove yourself to others. I used to think that my side of the story needed to be told to keep the facts straight, but I finally concluded that I don’t care what story someone chooses to believe about me. I know my truth, and I am going to live with it. I would much rather read a good book than spend time with people who are not genuine and don’t value my friendship.
I really like this poem by Scott Stabile:
“Find people who can handle your darkest truths, who don’t change the subject when you share your pain, or try to make you feel bad for feeling bad.
Find people who understand we all struggle, some of us more than others, and that there’s no weakness in admitting it.
Find people who want to be real, however that looks and feels, and who want you to be real, too.
Find people who get that life is hard, and who get that life is also beautiful, and who aren’t afraid to honor both of those realities.
Find people who help you feel more at home in your heart, mind and body, and who take joy in your joy.
Find people who love you, for real, and who accept you, for real. Just as you are.
They’re out there, these people. Your tribe is waiting for you. Don’t stop searching until you find them.”
Homework: Try to limit your time with one negative person this week, or try to assert yourself with them.
Talk to you soon!
Asta